[ DT] Diego Costa’s guide to choosing between Spain and Brazil
So how does one choose between five-time World Cup winners Brazil and reigning champions Spain? By answering these vital questions…
-David Luiz hair or Carles Puyol hair?
Advantage: Brazil. Puyol’s hair is home to 17,000 unclassified types of insects. David Luiz’s is made of giggles.
-Neymar complaining about his fans calling him or Xavi complaining about pitch dryness?
Advantage: Brazil. Every time Xavi complains, a puppy falls in a blender.
-Julio Cesar tears or Iker Casillas tears?
Advantage: Kleenex. So many tears.
-Luiz Felipe Scolari or Vicente del Bosque?
Advantage: Brazil. In a mustache fight to the death, Del Bosque’s wooly mammoth would eat Scolari’s snow leopard. But Scolari’s would seduce a few cheetahs before going down in a blaze of glory.
-Better to play for the home fans at the 2014 World Cup or against the home fans at the 2014 World Cup?
Advantage: Spain. If Spain lose, they go home. If Brazil lose, they have no home.
-Ronaldinho’s partying or Cesc Fabregas’ suffering?
Advantage: Spain. Cesc’s suffering does not involve masturbating in front of a webcam.
-Fred and Neymar or Fernando Torres?
Advantage: Spain. The Confederations Cup already settled this one.
-What do you remember better: Being born or last Saturday?
Advantage: Spain. No one remembers the day they were born, so why should the place where it happened be important? Furthermore, birthdays only happen once a year, but Saturdays happen every week so they are obviously better. That’s just science.
There you have it. The choice is definitely a tough one, but the edge goes to Spain. And now we all know just how silly and pointless football teams based on nationality really are.